In honor of Jacques' forgiving heart...

I've been reflecting lately on forgiveness. Jacques often encouraged people:

 "Don't hold a grudge. Whatever you do, don't hold a grudge!"

In honor of Jacques, I present a few thoughts on forgiveness. One blog post does not begin to scratch the surface of what I want to say and what can be said (neverending revelation)! But here is what I have written, and I hope it's all theologically sound. :) It's nothing new, just maybe a new scrambling of words. For truth is never new! 

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When we hold grudges, knowing or unknowingly, we are hurting both ourselves and the person who needs our forgiveness. And not only do we hurt ourselves and that other person, we hurt the entire Body of Christ. One thing that has been so beautiful to our family is the community that has loved us, supported us, rallied around us, cherished us, encouraged us...I could go on and on! I am confident to say that the Mystical Body of Christ (aka the community of people who love God and each other) has never seemed so real and alive as it does during this time. And isn't that how it should be...that the presence of life is greater than the presence of death?

We are each a vital, necessary member of this living Body of Christ. We are created by Love to love the Body of Christ. You can't separate a part from the whole and still call it "whole". In holding grudges, we in a sense separate, personally and sometimes on a wider scale, a part of the Body from the whole of the Body. When one part suffers, every part suffers. When one part hates another part, all parts hurt (whether realized or not).

Authentic Love is wholehearted, not halfhearted. There is no such thing as almost-love or part-love. So when we truly accept the call to love, we shouldn't place our own conditions on the loving. We take on the call to love without measure, without exceptions.Meaning that, in loving the Body of Christ, we strive to love ALL of the Body of Christ. 

God created us to live in unity, in friendship, in forgiveness. He created each of us "unique and unrepeatable". He loved us into existence and planted each one of us into a particular culture, family, race, country, economy, society, friend group, time period, political state, etc, etc. During our time here on earth, we will inevitably encounter fellow human beings whom we have a hard time forgiving for one reason or another. They may have mistreated, forgotten, abused, made fun of, insulted us..no one escapes injury. We will all be hurt by others and we will all (wittingly or unwittingly) inflict pain on others! 

So we must let go of our grudges! Saint Paul reminds us to

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone."

What if we feel it impossible to do this? We can remember that if it were impossible, then God would never have allowed us to come into contact with that person to begin with. He could have let us spend our entire lives without encountering them. But we did encounter them, and that encounter (and sometimes more importantly, what follows) holds eternal value. If we have been hurt, we have been given an opportunity to forgive. If we take that opportunity, we have chosen to lovingly fortify the unity of the Body of Christ. We have chosen to build up instead of tear down, to solidify and heal. 

Christ tells us to forgive, and He won't call us to do something we can't do. So when He asks us to love and forgive, He trusts, knows, and promises that we CAN do it! Along with Saint Paul, I believe that

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

So. Yes; we can forgive; we can do what feels to be impossible. But how? How do we begin to release grudges that we've pushed aside, maybe for years? How do we step into the "glorious freedom of the children of God", which is only enjoyed by the forgiving heart? 

1. Recognize who we need to forgive. (It's hard to forgive someone when you don't realize you need to forgive them!) Some of us know clearly what grudges we hold. Others might have to dig a little bit to uncover them. Pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance and enlightenment. It is possible that a few people on earth have near-complete forgiveness in their heart. If you're one of these, congratulations. You're probably levitating right now. 

2. Pray for the desire to forgive. Very often, we don't want to forgive! That's pretty normal...don't stress yourself out. Trust in God's mercy and love. Just ask for grace to conform your heart to His Heart and offer yourself to the Holy Spirit! God hears the smallest prayers...especially the prayer of desperation. :) He loves to answer our beautifully pathetic cry for the desire...to desire...to forgive. 

3. Forgive. How does one actually do that, you ask? Good question. We can turn to the Catechism, which tells us that:

It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession. 

So the act of forgiveness is unnatural...it does not come to us naturally. In fact, we are powerless to forgive on our own. Isn't it lovely that we only need to desire to forgive and then the Holy Spirit steps in and does what we cannot? It's the stuff of classic superhero tales. The common person tries his hardest to fight the evil villain but can in actuality do very little. O how he wants to conquer the beast! Yet he is being horrifically defeated. In desperation, he cries out to one more powerful than he for help. And at the moment when it seems all is lost, the superhero appears, skillfully uses his superpowers to destroy the bad guy, and claims the victory! Thank God we have God on our side. :)

The more we live in the Supernatural (God-Love), the easier forgiveness will come. Imagine that you and the superhero were best friends. You wouldn't need to even call for help...you would know he was there with you all along! So too, the deeper we grow in relationship with God, the better...everything...is. :)

So yes. We ask for help...in fact, #2 is really the beginning of #3! We call upon the Holy Spirit to be the strength in our weakness. We grow in relationship with God. We ask for the help of the saints. We pray for those we need to forgive. This is vitally important. We pray for their well-being, for their peace of heart, for their relationship with God, for their overall growth in holiness. And, with the help of grace, we love them in word and deed. We can even go out of our way to serve them and show them kindness. In doing this, we "heap burning coals on their head." (Whatever that means...future blog post?)

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
  And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For you will heap burning coals on his head,
 And the LORD will reward you." Proverbs 25: 21-22

4. Reflect on the fact that we are sinners who need forgiveness from God, and that we do receive His forgiveness along with perfect, beautiful mercy and love. And hopefully we are then humbled and grow in relationship with God. It's all about relationship, the Body of Christ, and Love. :)

So to summarize, I will share again Jacques' words:

"Don't hold a grudge." 

Dang. He was always so much more straightforward than I ever was. 

;)